SH** I HAVE TO DEAL WITH

So I thought I would put a literal title to this post because I am getting fed up with all of the crap in my house. I am not meaning metaphoric crap I am meaning literal shit. The dog refuses to consistently go outside of the house to poop so I have to clean that up, plus she is a scavenger so she eats everything in sight which then makes her sick so she poops all over the house. It is a vicious cycle. I extremely love when she eats the girls crayons and then I get to find out what color she actually ate later in the day.
O is also refusing to consistently go poop on the potty so I have a three year old who is now doing the "I don't have to poop mommy" face, and answer and then climbing under the table and telling me to go away. She is not smooth at all. Tim and I currently have to wash the bath mat every few days because not only does she refuse to go on the potty but she will tell Tim and I that she is going pee and then try and clean up her poop herself. A three year old trying to clean poop by themselves after it is all over in their pants is not a good thing at all. It makes for a very fun clean up after wards. I am only going to say one last thing about the poop but I don't know about any one else's house but why is it whenever I need the wipes there is never any to be found. It is almost to the point where I should just go to CVS or Target every time one of the kids poop because it would be easier and faster than searching the house for one stinking wipe.
Anyone out there with tips for potty training a child who is already trained but refuses to stop playing and go. . . PLEASE HELP!!

Goofy things that I have been thinking about

This again is more of a blog where I simply vent knowing that no one is actually reading the information that I am publishing for all those to see. I am able to now keep up on others feeds because I am using Google Reader. I have been in constant debate with myself to include in this blog or have to start another blog that could be used as my teacher self. Anyways as I vent, I am realizing that as I now have turned the ripe old age of 29 again I am no longer able to do the things I once did. I look back now and think holy shit how was I able to stay awake for three days with cat naps in between and finish an entire keg with three other people. Mind you that by the time I had my last cup it was piss warm because we did not have a kegerator and there was no CO2 left. I also wonder how I was able to have my "forgotten summer" with Jen and Kee where I would simply get up and drink on any day that I did not work. We literally would get up in the morning make a trip to the MOA to do some shopping go immediately past the Ruby Tuesdays on the second floor and say, "Hey they have two for ones, shopping would be way more fun after a round" Three hours later and a phone call to a very pissed off Kee we never did get our shopping in. Now these are only two of my very classy things I did in life but looking back now I can not believe it at all. Currently I am lucky if I make it up until 11 on a friday or saturday and that is only if I have had my fill of caffeine and also taken a nap. I am only able to consume two beverages without being tipsy and I get sick and want to pass out after four beers. At least I am a cheap date but it was not that long ago where I was easily able to make it up until at least 1130 and consume many more beverages than that:) What has happened to me. Maybe all my years of craziness have finally caught up with me and my body is actually refusing new beer. Maybe it has caught up on me and now I am having to go backwards or start over again with my drinking. Whatever the case may be something happened in early September where I became a cheap date and am now needing to get multiple naps in if I really need to be awake longer. I thought that only occurred when you got really old like 35!!!!!

Betty Draper

Yep it is official. It has been for awhile but now that I am blogging it. . . now it becomes official.
I have a new dog. Her name is Betty and I am not ashamed to say that I love her. She is very smart. Something you followers know that my previous dog who jumped the fence and never was seen again was seriously lacking. She currently is sick with a bacteria infection but I am hopeful that it will clear up and then we will all be better off. Now I know that you all were wondering. . . Tim named her Betty after a WWII bomber plane but I call her Betty Draper after January Jones' character on Mad Men. I am completely addicted and love that show and would love to get a little stud named Donald Draper to breed Betty with. (Not that I would want to deal with breeding but the idea is awesome!)

Food and I

So as the four of you. . . I mean the millions of followers I have know, I love to eat. I am a big fan of food. Recently a book was brought to my attention Women, Food, and God. I read the book, I mean I the first half of the book before it started getting repetitive and I have to say that there was a lot of truth to it. The author(not quite sure of her name) states that if we overindulge in food there is probably some underlying truth to it. I thought bologna, there is no way that my obsession with food and my obsession to talk about food has anything more to do with the fact that I LOVE TACO BELL. I am not afraid to say it again I LOVE TACO BELL. But then I started thinking and thought, crap this woman is right there is something else to me constantly wanting food(by the way when I say food I really am just referring to taco bell, donuts, good pasta dishes, anything that would be served during the breakfast hour!) OK where was I, I quickly became enthralled in the idea of going to Taco Bell. . . .anyways in all seriousness I now realize that food has been the only thing that I have ever been completely and utterly allowed in life with no exceptions. It has always been acceptable for me with boys to eat. It was always OK with my parents to eat more than I necessarily needed. I wasn't given a whole lot extra in life but food was always OK. Even now I know that food is always acceptable to spend money and or time on. But now that I have come to this realization I am stuck, does this mean that I am using food to make up for something lost or have I just been using food because it has always and only been the one thing that everyone else is OK with? Crap I should have finished the book maybe then I would know what to do with this information!!! Oh well I guess I will just blame my indulgences next time I order a cheezy gordita crunch:)

Another Classy thing I did

So We went out for our anniversary and first of all we parked on one end of downtown Minneapolis and then decided to walk in a complete circle to decide which restaurant we wanted to go to only to walk all the way back to the one closest to our car. We also chose this restaurant Seven over Fogo de chao because we thought it might be a little less expensive.(We were quite wrong, lets leave it at that!!) We then decided we did not want to sit in the restaurant we would sit up on the rooftop bar and just eat our fabulous meal at the bar. First we played tell the story of the couple sitting next to us where he was obviously 60+ and she was about 38 with way too much makeup on and clearly she was not enjoying the date. Anyways! Then we drank a little more and finally decided to order food. When we were eating a 65 year old(he shared with us) decided to buy the entire round of drinks and shots for the girl who was having her 24th birthday. She came over to talk to us and said she was swearing off men and wanted to be our Nanny(We will come back to this later). They then moved away and a group of three younger very unattractive guys came over and said this place is lame there are no chicks here, I then told them that there was a bday party over there with a bunch of hot chicks. They said thanks asked what they were drinking and I told them (Shots called Duck Farts? I will have to use the google machine later to find what this actually is) Tim then says lets finish our drinks and then you can go get the nanny's information. . .this is why I reference back to this because she is hot and Tim just wanted a typical hot nanny. Back to the duck farts, the three guys said they look bored and then decided to buy these ladies 10 shots which is 100 bucks at this locale, Tim and I quickly got up from our fabulous meal in which we walked out to realize that the birthday party was long gone and this guy had just spent 100 bucks on shots. Oh to be young and simply wanting to get laid!! If only duck farts were the answer. Here my friends is where we get to the really classy part. Tim and I had consumed a few cocktails and were discussing the camera system in Mpls parking ramps in which we were wondering if anyone ever watches them. So in the elevator I decided to show my husband on our anniversary one of my boobs and then let him motor boat them (I had put the shirt back down for this) At this point a voice came over the speaker, "Thanks man!" the doors opened and we were able to drive home and laugh as we thought, Wow we are classy, and also that answered our question. I guess people do watch the cameras in the Mpls parking lot after all.

By the way if you wanted to see other classy things I have done scroll down to the blog Seriously

What it means to be a Mom

I know May is officially the month of Mom but I was thinking about it recently with all of the babies being born and all and I have realized that being a mom involves a lot of crazy things that people never tell you when you are going to be a mom.
Such as the fact that I am no longer a mom to just two little girls I am also a mom to O's baby and kitty and L's Lamb. I have to keep an eye on them at all times. Make sure that they are available at the drop of a hat and keep them clean.
Moms must be excavators when they have had kids. I currently have had to dig through stool samples every week for the last month from O to bring into the lab to try and figure out what is wrong with O.
Mom's must be interpreters because no one else truly understands what Stella is saying when she points to the bread and grunts and grinds her teeth which means, "Hey O got bread I want some too"
Moms must learn yoga and even though I have never done yoga I know that I can stretch all of my fingers out and carry a grocery bag on each one while carrying both of the girls and their stuffed animals.
Moms have to be strong and superman when their kids are having blood drawn and try to struggle out of it and say "Mom make it stop"
Moms have to be very creative especially when the kids decide they want you to read a book but they will not actually let you see the book they want you to read.
Lastly, Moms need to know all kids songs because O will say one words such as monkeys and want you to sing the entire song for her on the spot. (This goes back to also being an interpreter)
It is very hard work but I love that job more every day.

Seriously

So Tim and I had date night on Friday. It was so much fun. We stayed downtown and went to uptown to the Brave New Workshop(comedy) It was great and I would recommend it to anyone. Then we ended up downtown at Sneaky Pete's and I wanted to share the following.
You know it is a good night on the town for me when this happens.
Tim and I were dancing and there are those stripper poles there with bases on them. I believed that these bases were bolted to the floor. Apparently not. Some guy got up on the pole and then jumped causing the base to go up and then fall directly on my foot. Now I am pretty sure that I have at least one if not two broken toes. They are not crazy painful but you know that we have to leave the bar because I can no longer walk due to pain it is painful. I will try and attach a photo later.
Seriously though it is meant to be that I am not allowed to go out and have a great time without getting hurt.
Examples
Keeleys Wedding: bruised knee, broken toe, nerve damage throughout my foot
Class reunion: Slipped and fell and twisted my ankle.
Keeley and Jim Fiesta numero uno: Fell down the stairs and also twisted my ankle.
Second date with Tim: Possible broken toes, many bruises.

Seriously I need to take better care of myself when I am out on the town:)