I can't do it anymore

I know that I am not that old but I realize that I can not do it anymore.  Drink that is the way I used to in college.  I used to be able to drink the way that I still do but now I am pretty much out of commission for a few days after.  I went out last night and had a blast something that was totally needed but then got home made myself throw up which then gave me a migraine which I still have today.  What the hell I am not even 30 yet I should still be able to handle my booze:)

How it is

Is it wrong to think that I all the great things in life are over.  I did everything so fast that now I feel as though there is not much to do but just live.  I got married, moved back across the country, had a baby, changed jobs, bought a house all within one year and then the next year I had another baby.  I know it may seem selfish but I was the first to have kids and now my friends are having kids and I am so excited for them I can hardly stand it but as I am watching Stella get older and start doing all of her tricks I can hardly believe that I will never have another baby.  It seems like I am too young to even think this and some days believe me I am glad that I will never have another baby but it is still hard to feel like all of the really great things in life are behind me. 

Not going to do it anymore

Every year I get very excited about my birthday.  I know it is silly after all this time but I always hope that it will be really special for me the way I try and make it special for other people.  I have always had high hopes and enjoy other people birthdays.  In reality it is just another day no different than the one before except some people may say Happy Birthday and that is it.  Every year I get my hopes up that this year is going to be great; something special is going to happen and every year I feel like it just gets worse.  Even as a little kid most of the time my birthday fell on the first day of school that isn't fun.  Nothing has ever even worked out.  I know this sounds like a bitter thing and I want people to feel bad for me but one day a year I would like to feel special and important and not be told that I am a horrible mother or just ignored completely.  One time before I die I will look back and not think well that birthday sucked again.  I have now decided that I still can't help myself I am going to continue to make other people's birthdays great but no longer will I get my hopes up about my own.  I am too busy and it is not worth it.  Love to all of those that did make me feel great on my special day.