Not going to do it anymore

Every year I get very excited about my birthday.  I know it is silly after all this time but I always hope that it will be really special for me the way I try and make it special for other people.  I have always had high hopes and enjoy other people birthdays.  In reality it is just another day no different than the one before except some people may say Happy Birthday and that is it.  Every year I get my hopes up that this year is going to be great; something special is going to happen and every year I feel like it just gets worse.  Even as a little kid most of the time my birthday fell on the first day of school that isn't fun.  Nothing has ever even worked out.  I know this sounds like a bitter thing and I want people to feel bad for me but one day a year I would like to feel special and important and not be told that I am a horrible mother or just ignored completely.  One time before I die I will look back and not think well that birthday sucked again.  I have now decided that I still can't help myself I am going to continue to make other people's birthdays great but no longer will I get my hopes up about my own.  I am too busy and it is not worth it.  Love to all of those that did make me feel great on my special day.